Life on my Own?

After my 5 days of camp, I decided to stay in the McMinnville area and just catch up with all the friends I haven't seen in months. My 'home' here is my grandparent's house, but I am mainly just couch surfing at all my friends. My grandparents have an extra car, and they are letting me use it for the week -- But I have to stay in Mac. Which is okay with me. The first night back I stayed at a family friend's place, the Dyments, and had a blast there catching up with them, then I spent the day at my grandparent's place, then the next night at my cousin's place, and tonight I believe I will be back at my grandparents. I don't know where I will be tomorrow. I'm basically making plans spur of the moment. Today I hung out with my childhood best friend, Tasha Balwit. Had a blast with her! Lots of catching up to do! On Wednesday, my DCC friend is coming to Newberg, and she will probably try and make it to Mac also, so we will hang out then! Plus I would like to see Danii and Hannah sometime again, girls sleepover? I don't know.

It feels really weird being here without my whole family, and having a car to use as my own for the week. I like it, but everything feels unsure. I don't know if I will have a place to stay every night (of course I will - at my grandparents, but still, its rough out here!) and I don't know where I will get a meal, and I am living off basically 6 dollars ($3.51 now...) I think I have some quarters in my wallet. I've got my writing stationary, a sleeping bag, a pillow, and a phone. Thats pretty much all I need at this point. What I have learned though in the past few weeks, is that I am really not ready to live on my own yet. I pray that my parents will spend my last 2 years living at home teaching me how to live on my own. Of course, this week I did learn how to use a washer and drying, get green beans ready, and some other stuff I bet, but I can't really remember now...

Just a few months ago, while I was rather miffed with my parents, I remember saying, "I can't wait to live on my own!!"

If you are a teenager, and you have said this, take it back. You don't mean it. It's sketchy out here. You have to think about what you're doing. There isn't a warm meal at home waiting for you, and you don't have your own bed, and you have to think about the gas in the car, and how expensive it is, and how you are going to pay for it, and you have to remember to eat when its time to eat, and sleep when its time to sleep, and it is intimidating as hell out here. Even though I know I have a place to sleep, and food to eat, just being alone for a week and making so many plans freaks me out! Take advantage of the time you are still living with your parents! Have fun! Don't worry about what you will do tomorrow, or when you'll eat again. You still have time. Once you move out... Thats when you really need to start using that brain of yours for things much, much more important than just dumb old math. Thats when some of the school stuff you learn finally comes in handy. Like how to count money, and tell time. That has helped me a lot this week.

Oh, I just finished reading this amazing book - It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. My favorite quote from the book is this, live by it:

I know something’s changing in me. It

might not be dramatic, but it’s real. And for the first time in a while, I can look forward to things I want to do in my life...

Bike. Eat. Drink. Talk. Ride the

subway. Read. Read maps. Make maps. Make art. Have a party. Hug my mom. Kiss my dad. Kiss my little sister. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Tell people my story. Volunteer at Three North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person.Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked.Run. Travel. Swim. Skip. I know it’s lame, but, whatever, skip anyway... Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Live.