How Interesting.

It is fascinating how just a few things on your mind can keep you up all night until you have a mini panic attack because you look at the clock and see that it is 11:30 and you have school the next morning.

I cannot stop thinking about this lately. How badly I want to fall in love and be loved equally in return. I want to hold hands and go on adventures and do everything together and every time I see someone holding hands with someone else and grinning and looking like they are having the time of their lives, my heart just hurts and I know I can't have it and it makes me believe more and more that I am going to be alone forever even though I know I won't be, but it makes me so sad with every passing day. I don't want to be alone anymore. And I'm tired of little flings that have no feeling involved. I just want to fall in love.

Well.

I haven't written in forever. I just realized that. I have been writing on this other blog. How is everyone? I realized that this blog became a little behind in my times. Everyone who reads this, generally remembers me from 8th grade, because that's when I created it, but I am in 11th grade now, and a lot has changed. For instance, I have never swore on here. I don't think.. I worry about little things like that. And I generally know who all reads this one, so I know the audience, and I can't be completely and totally honest, because I don't want to offend anyone by my words, so I go on this other blog. I am not going to reveal the name. If you want to read it that bad, you'll find it yourself. Good luck with that though. I don't tell anyone.

I wish this blog could be more realistic, but that isn't possible. I mean, it is, but then someone is going to be offended if I say something off color, or make fun of some subject that is important to them, or rant about something my parents did, even if it was obviously the right thing to do, and my teenagerness told me to argue back. You get the idea. Lets talk about something else.

Music?

Great.

I have a lot of new favorites, new tastes, expanded my musical library from more than just Kate Nash, although she still remains to be my idol and roll model. But now I am listening to a lot more things. A bit of Punk, some pop, rock, R&B, a lot of alternative. Some of my current favorites:

Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Y Control, Pin, Black Tongue, Cold Light, Heads Will Roll, Phenomena, Hysteric
Jesse J: Price Tag, Do It Like a Dude, Abracadabra, Stand Up, Who's Laughing Now
Ingrid Michaelson: Pretty much every song she has ever written - you can't go wrong.
Eminem (Surprisingly...): Just Lose Yourself, Sing for the Moment, When I'm Gone
LCD Soundsystem: Dance Yourself Clean
Sex Pistols: God Save the Queen, Anarchy in the UK, Submission
X-Ray Spex: Oh! Bondage, Up Yours!, I Am a Poseur, Let's Submerge, Art-I-Ficial

There is a decent taste for you to look up. Highly recommend Yeah Yeah Yeah's and Ingrid Michaelson. All very wonderful. Ingrid is for everyone, there is never cursing, always lovely topics, and catchy tunes. It's cute, good mood music. Yeah Yeah Yeahs are more punk/rock, and not recommended for children. Generally they don't swear that badly, but there are a few occasions. It's great for when you're pissed off or mad that you are being rushed.

I got a job. After searching since I was 14. It's at a little place called Bellatazza. It's this cute coffee shop downtown in Bend, and I am learning the ways of a real Barista. I am already a boss at the cash register.

I am in science class right now. I already figured the internet assignment, and so I get to do this. It's nice. I hardly ever have access to a laptop that I DON'T have to keep plugged in at all times. This one's battery actually lasts for more than 10 minutes. It's quite wonderful, really. I'm going to see about getting a new battery for mine. I am sure I am boring you all to tears right now. But I don't have anything else to do, so you might as well just stop reading now, because I'm pretty sure the rest of this is going to be a really long, droning post about absolutely nothing, and ALL about my loathing of science class.

I signed up for this class, being told it was "Oceanography." That sounded awesome! I've always wanted to learn about the ocean and the creatures that inhabit it. But alas, PSYCH! Really this is Earth Science, and it blows. I get to be taught all about the layers of the earth, again. We don't even do cool experiments. We do dumb assignments that suck, and no one likes it, and the teacher looks like a prehistoric ape man. Not even kidding. This is the worst class in the world. It was worse when I had friends in it, because I never listened, and my grades when down the toilet, but now that all my friends were kicked out for talking to much in class, I can actually focus. It's not exciting information I am gaining here, but at least I'm not failing so badly.

Today we had the longest Winter Assembly ever. 2 and a half hours. But, on the bright side, today is the last day of school before winter break. And it is already 12:46, and we get out at 2:45! Less than two hours, bro!

Alright, I really don't want to bore you all so much that you never come back, so I'll just type up crap on my email and then email it back to myself. Creative, right?

See you on the other side.

Oh no.

It's happening. Ever since I was in first grade, I was saying how much I hated Britney Spears. But here she is again, playing on my headphones, blasting into my ears. My friend Maddy somehow made me like her. And we aren't the type to listen to mainstream music. We listen to Underground stuff. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Patrick Wolf, Kate Nash, Ingrid Michaelson, Matt and Kim. Not BRITNEY. But here she is, telling me to keep dancing till the world ends. NO. Stop! And I know all the words to a huge amount of her songs. Excuse me while I go vomit.

On another note, yesterday I got a second piercing in my ears. So now I've got the original ones, and then turquoise studs above that. It's pretty cool. I like it a lot. I really want a nose piercing, but then my friend Janet told me all about it and how slow and awful it is as they push a needle through your nose. Thats when I just decided for a second ear piercing. Much less painful. So much better. Plus my entire family doesn't loathe that idea.

I fear that I am turning a bit more punkish... I didn't think I would ever end up like that. I was the girl who wore rainbow sweatshirts. Now I want to do Roller Derby so BAD! But I can't, because my parents don't want to pay for the medical bills that will inevitably turn up. I am going to start saving up for my first mode of transportation. A motorcycle. Cars are nice, but motorcycles you get to feel the wind through your hair and it is so much more fun than a car. I will get a freakin' huge hog so that cars can see me. Ha, it will be so BA.

I am in English, once again. Although this time, completely done with everything and we're only 15 minutes into class. So I guess I will just do this. I wish the school didn't block everything. Then I could actually go on the internet and not just this site and google. I love how they don't block this, but they do block Tumblr. Of course. Whatever. I am going to try and find a website that doesn't block bubble shooter. Maybe I'll write more later. Happy Friday! Be happy that you aren't taking the PSAT tomorrow at 7:30 AM.

Future.

I have to take the PSATs this Saturday at 7:30 AM. I do not want to take the PSATs this Saturday at 7:30 AM. I want to be asleep on Saturday at 7:30 AM.

But, alas, I will be taking the PSATs. I can't wait. I just love taking tests where you have to fill in the scantron bubbles and then you get off track and you mess them all up and its just utter chaos. Why can't I just circle the correct answer.

I have to start thinking about College. What one I want to go to, how I will pay for it, or will I get a scholarship? I need a job. I need to save money. Get some means of transportation. Car, motorcycle? I don't know. I need extracurriculars to graduate. I am only in GSA. I don't know if I need more than that. I don't know how to cook, or even use the washer and dryer. How pathetic is that? When I move out, what am I supposed to do? When I move out? I'm going to be 18 in less than a year. I have to think about my future. I have to figure out where I will live, and how I will pay for that. I have to get groceries, health care, insurance. I don't want this stuff in my life. I want to continue making mud pies in the backyard and know my parents have everything under control.

Not anymore though. It's time to take a step up and start taking care of myself...

But I guess there are good aspects of the future as well. Falling in love, for example. I can't wait to fall in love and get married. Have two children and raise them. Hold their tiny bodies in my arms and then watch them grow up and soon enough they will be panicking about the same things I am on this post. I can't wait to get a house with my husband, and find out what career I will choose. Will I end up being a musician? Or will it be an artist? Writer? Illistrator? Or will it surprise me. Will I be a doctor? A lawyer. No. I won't be those things. I can't wait to grow old with my one true love and see where life takes us. Takes me. I don't know what I will do. I am excited to find out, but a little horrified as well. I don't know how I am going to get there, to this life that I write about.

Let's talk about something else a little lighter. Oh, guess what. Once again I am sitting in English class. I am way ahead of schedule on this paper we are writing, and I am tired of pretending to still be editing it, seeing as that was done days ago. I accidentally was put in the average Lit and Comp class, and I belong in Honors. Oh well, it's nice to have a little break. I am exhausted right now. I can't wait for this weekend - well, not Saturday, but Sunday, because I can sleep and sleep and sleep all day long. I need to catch up. Today is Wednesday. On Wednesday's me and my friends all walk downtown after school and hang out down there until dinner time. Plus, on Wednesdays, school ends at 1:00 rather than 2:45. I don't know why, but I love it. It's so short. I am going to go to the Claire's store sometime soon, preferable today, and get a second ear piercing. 40 dollars for both ears. I have a $20 gift certificate for there. So I might as well. I was going to get a nose piercing, but then my friend Janet told me about how when she got hers she almost passed out. They slowly stick a needle through your nose. I am a pansy. I cannot deal with that kind of pain. So instead, I will pierce my ears again, seeing as that is not painful, and fast, with that quick little gun. Thank the Lord.

Class is almost out. Finally. Even though todays classes are 30 minutes long. So easy. It's ridiculous. Still too long though. I might take a nap in Earth Science next period. I used to like science. I guess when I had a cool science teacher it was awesome. But when you have a science teacher who looks like a primitive man and talks about things you've never heard of and he never bothered to explain, you end up not really liking science anymore. Hint, hint - GRADEK, come teach me science here!

I'll talk to you all later. I don't really know if any one even reads this old thing anymore. Whatever. :)